Turtle Tots: Movie Night!
by candelight
Summary: After an evening of enjoying old films, the Hamato tots fall asleep to a variety of...rather odd dreams. Will Raph escape the clutches of Oz? Will Mikey use the Forks? Should Don side with the reptiles, or the humans? And can Leo defeat an army of Sporks?
1. Chapter 1

Turtle Tots: Move Night!

ライト！ カメラ！ Dreamtime 。..?

Prologue: And So The Film Festival Begins

~(*)~

After an evening of enjoying old flicks, the Hamato children fall asleep to a variety of...rather odd dreams. Will Raph escape the clutches of his own personal nightmare? Will Mikey use the Forks? Should Don side with the reptiles, or the humans? And will Leo ever conquer 'Scary Man'?

* * *

Hi, everyone! ^^ I hope you all enjoy this. I certainly think I did. *Laughs.* Silly. I actually have never seen Star Wars or Jurassic Park, but I hope what I know about each film will suffice.

I do not own TMNT, The Wizard of Oz, Star Wars, Jurassic Park, A certain movie I think many of you have seen, and (Maybe) a certain film that comes on around Christmas time...;)

Speaking of which, _Takoyaki_, in Japan, is fried octopus on a stick. . _Onigiri_ is the Japanese word for 'rice ball.'

* * *

_Quote:_

_"At night, my mind does not much care,_

_If what it thinks is here or there._

_It tells me stories it invents,_

_And makes up things that don't make sense._

_I don't know why it does this stuff._

_The real world seems quite weird enough."_

_~(*)~_

"Hey, Mike."

Mikey's blue eyes did not flicker from the screen. The orbs were quite glazed by this point, and, if Raph's own eyes weren't as unfocused as a murtled jar of jelly by this point, he would have wondered if Mikey had fallen asleep with his eyes open.

The four turtles continued to stare, deadpanned as the enormous blue monster on the old, secondhand TV growled, and swept its spiked tail across the Tokyo Tower, smashing several windows in its wake. People below the enormous dinosaur continued to scream and run about in restless circles, like ants whose hill had just been demolished with a shake of the foot.

At first, Mikey didn't care to answer, his eyes still glued to the Takoyaki monster stomping on several cars on the streets before deciding to bend over to a cowering human on the road, before swiping the small paper clutched in his hands, and abruptly threw it into his mouth before stomping away downtown.

The wild-eyed kid stared incredulously at the monster's retreating form, before shouting in Japanese:

"_KORA_! (Hey!) He ate my book report!"

A pause. The kid blinked, before a beatific smile quickly spread across his face, and he happily waved at the growling monster busy chewing on a traffic light some thirty yards away.

_"Arigatou, kami-Takoyaki-sama!"_

_(Thank you, demon-Master-Takoyaki!)  
_

"Mike," said Raph again, beginning to scowl. "Earth to bonehead."

The eight year old, orange clad turtle frowned from his lax position on the couch. "Bonehead to Earth, _shhhh_! This is the part where the monster Takoyaki-seller meets his arch nemesis, the Onigiri water dragon of _Asigiri_!"

Raph rolled his eyes as Don yawned from below him on the floor, chin in his hands, legs absentmindedly kicking back and forth in midair.

"Just pass the popcorn, already"

Mikey lazily extended a hand towards the bowl still on the old, three-legged table Master Splinter had retrieved from the sewers. Not bothering to get up, Mikey let out little grunting noises as he struggled to reach the ever-elusive cheese popcorn bowl.

"I...I can't! T-Too frail! Oh, if I had o-only one more token of e-energy, I'd be h-happy to get it for you, R-Raphie boy, but I...just can't go on..."

Raph scowled, and growled, knocking his fist directly into the taped-arm of the sofa. Mikey started, suddenly looking much less asleep, even as the Takoyaki monster tore off a spire off a nearby skyscraper, and proceeded to attempt to bat the roaring Onigiri monster's head off.

"Oookay. Now, I think I can," Mikey said with a shrug, passing the small plastic bowl to Raph, who was now rolling his eyes once again, and scoffing.

"Figures," Raph muttered, drawing out a handful of cheese popcorn, and munching on it.

Leo sighed from his position next to Mikey, and drew a hand over his eyes, looking drowsy.

"Guys...I've had enough of _Takoyaki vs. Onigiri III, Total Annihilation_," he said wearily, before slowly turning around to glance at the nearby clock. It was 8:56, ten minutes until the turtles' bedtime. The blue-clad ninja-in-training cleared his throat, and Raph groaned.

"Here we go, Splinta junior," he said mockingly, disregarding the scowl Leo shot him in return. "Gonna tell us off, now?"

Don reached for the remote control still on the floor, and turned the volume up. He was by now quite used to this.

Leo crossed his arms, looking irritated. "Master Splinter put me in charge, so-"

"So what? So what you say goes?" Raph mocked, as Don cast Mikey a nervous look. "Look you, Master Splinter SAID we could watch a few movies tonight-"

"And we DID," countered Leo, eyes still narrowed. "We DID watch a 'few' movies tonight, INCLUDING that really, really long run we weren't even SUPPOSED to watch-"

"Hey, it wasn't all...t-that scary!" Raph challenged, swallowing as he remembered the dark lord's hideous minions drag themselves out of the muck and grime. The turtles had been forced to turn that particular movie off before cowering together on the sofa in terror, until Mikey had had the good sense to put on a cheesy monster movie.

Leo shook his head.

"It was PG-13, Raph."

Mikey blinked, before turning to Don as usual for an answer, looking baffled.

"What's PG-13?"

Don glanced up from the Pizza monster from Tuscany, Italy hurling several boulders towards the Takoyaki monster.

"Mmm? Oh, PG-13 is a rating, Mike. It means you can't watch a movie marked that unless you're thirteen."

"Oh."

Raph scoffed.

"Hey, it doesn't mean 'can't.' Just 'shouldn't,' Don. I bet lotsa parents bring their kids in for dat kind of movie. In fact," Raph's voice dropped to a whisper, as if he expected Splinter to walk in on the four at any second.'I bet parents do that with kids even in da weird movies rated 'M.'"

Leo glanced at Don, who was helping himself to more cheese popcorn. In a flash, the violet-clad turtle answered:

"'M' is like PG-13, but kinda bigger. It means that you hafta be eighteen to get in!"

Mikey blanched.

"Eighteen? I'm only eight! That's a bajillion years from now!"

Leo groaned.

"I don't think Master Splinter would let us watch anythin' like that, Mikey. And you gotta work on your adding."

Mikey glared at him, holding up his now slightly orange fingertips.

"So? I run out of fingers before I can get to 'ten!'" he protested, as an enormous BOOOOMMMMM! echoed from the screen before the brothers. The orange-clad turtle turned to Raph, looking skeptical.

"Splinter says that's not right. He says 'M' probably has some really bad stuff in it!"

Raph looked at him scornfully.

"How would you know? I heard dat 'M' is for movies with 'adult situations.'" He hesitated, moving a hand to the back of his head, looking awkward.

"Uh...guys? What's an 'adult situation?'"

Leo shrugged as the Takoyaki monster began to shrink back into a man.

"I dunno. It probably means that the movie is about adults doin' what they must do every day-make breakfast, pay taxes, go to work, have the car fixed, talk to friends on the phone, clean, and fall asleep in front of a TV while the football game's goin' on. But you're gettin' me distracted. We-"

Leo broke off as the Pizza monster climbed to the top of an enormous building to roar his triumph, before being abruptly struck by lightning. Raph looked awed as the cheering Tokyoyites on the screen helped themselves to the enormous slices of pizza falling from the heavens. But he ignored that.

"Geez, dey don't kid around when they say it's for 'mature audiences.' _Dat_ just sounds boring!"

Mikey yawned, and Don shrugged as the Onigiri monster began to stomp back into the depths of the sea.

"Guess so. I'm not sure how those movies make any money."

* * *

~(*)~

Leo turned back to Raph and his brothers, but the red clad turtle merely sighed as he stood up, stretching lightly before turning his head back to his older brother, looking bored.

"Alright, your majesty, it's over now." The turtle yawned again, drearily rubbing at an eye as he sleepily stumbled across the floor, tri-fingered hand reaching for the STOP button on the VCR. The credits disappeared, making way for a haze of blue before the screen abruptly flickered off. Raph grasped the television's cord in his hands, looking at Leo pointedly. The blue-clad threw his hands in the air, expression sardonic.

"Okay, okay, yes, I'm happy now. Let's just-"

"-hit the hay, already," Mikey said, voice thick with sleep as he wobbily made his way to his feet, narrowly avoiding knocking over Leo as he extended a hand to Don, who too was rubbing his eyes. "I'm beat. I can't take one more movie tonight."

Raph stared incredulously at him.

"What?" Mikey grumbled, as the four began to stumble off towards their bedroom.

"Either I'm dreamin' right now, or one of those Star-punks just switched o' Mikey with a clone."

"Hey!"

~(*)~

The turtles found their way to the bathroom (Mikey and Raph got into a wild dispute over whose toothbrush was whose) and, after biding each other a few garbled goodnights, made for their conjoined bedrooms.

Raph snorted to himself as he wearily climbed into his own messy bed, brushing aside a few old papers and a plastic action figure or two.

_'Geez. Leo's got sucha stick in his shell,' _he mentally grumbled, before tugging the covers over him, and socking his pillow into a more comfortable shape before plunking his head upon it.

Splinter had left somewhere-he hadn't said where, exactly-for the evening. After giving each of his sons a strict order for them to stay in the Lair-and had not departed until he'd heard each of his sons give a meek 'yes' in reply, he had put Leo in charge of the others, as usual, before departing, leaving the turtles mystified at the table with their tomato soup.

At least he'd given them all permission to watch movies. That part was fun. But did Leo hafta be such a wet blanket? Do this. Do that. Splinta says. Sensei says. Sensei says.

_'If** I** were in charge, I'd run things a little...differently,'_ Raph thought sleepily, turning ever so slightly as his eyes began to flicker.

That was right. Things would be different. Raph would still be tough guy of the turtles-that would NEVER change-but if HE lead the others, and HE told them what to do...

Everything would be perfect. Everyone would follow HIS lead, which would be all about fun. No havin' to be told by Leo to wash your plate when ya were done with it like Master Splinta always did. No havin' Leo tell ya to keep it down, cause Master Splinta was mediating. No havin' to walk the long way around all the time instead of taking a nifty shortcut Splinter said to avoid.

A smile tugged its way up to Raph's face, and he turned once again, still smiling.

If he were the de facto leader of the four...he could solve anything, do anything. Leo didn't know what he was doing. But Raph would, and Don and Mikey would praise him for being the better, the more fun, the _effective_ leader.

Sleep was tugging at him more insistently, and Raph did as was bidden when his eyelids drooped closed at last, and, after a few minutes, began to snore.


	2. Chapter 2

Turtle Tots: Move Night!

Raph's Dream: Nightmare in Oz, Part One: The Yapper

OzのRaphの不快感!

~(*)~

Salutations, everyone! I do think I'm having a great deal of fun with this story...*Laughs maniacally.* And, because I'm not as stressed to get these updated ASAP, writing is much more enjoyable. ^^ And, quite amusing, later on. Right now, poor Raph is frightened...*Sobs.* But it'll all get better, soon. I think you all know what to expect in this chapter...or, perhaps not. *Giggles.* Originally, Mikey was supposed to be the main character for this segment, but, at the last moment, opted for Raph. :D Don't tell him this, but I am quite glad I did. ^^

Please, take care, everyone.

_Quote: _

_Scarecrow: 'I haven't got a brain... only straw.' _

_Dorothy: 'How can you talk if you haven't got a brain?' _

_Scarecrow: 'I don't know... But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking... don't they?' _

_Dorothy: 'Yes, I guess you're right.' _

_~(*)~_

Grumbling, Raph buried himself within the warmth of his bedding, blindly throwing a corner of it over his eyes. He couldn't have been asleep for very long at all...and yet...

A frantic, immensely irritating sound, growing in pitch by every increasing second, was yipping somewhere in the distance. Raph's eyes flashed with anger from underneath his quilt, and he wished he wasn't so tired as to refrain from throwing a pillow upside Mikey's head.

''_What is that nut even _**_doing_**_, at this time of night_?' Raph thought, small hands clenching into fists from under the warm covers, anger bubbling into a steady boil as the incessant squeaks and growls continued from Mikey's wing of the room. As Master Splinter had advised him, Raph closed his eyes tightly, and then, took a deep breath.

Then out.

Then another inhalation. And another exhaltion. But his fists remained clenched. And the urge to have them fly directly at Mikey was becoming harder and harder to stave off.

Did the moron have the TV running again, at something-something-something-ungodly in the morning? Splinter was going to kill him when he found off, because Raph had finally lost patience, and was going to tattle like no tomorrow, if that was the only threat he could make against someone as remotely irritating as Mikey. Teeth grit, the red-clad turtle threw off the covers-hands at his eyes, muttering threats under his breath.

"MIKEY! SHUT IT, YOU CHEESEBALL, OR I'LL-" Raph removed his hands from his eyes.

And blinked.

And slowly, blinked again.

Alarmed, Raph seized a small glass of water that stood by his makeshift bed, and abruptly turned it upside, releasing a torrent of cold water to splash upon his head. The poor turtle sputtered, coughed, and rubbed violently at his nose before blindly groping for the bedsheets to rub his eyes with. When at last he opened his eyes again, to his horror-

_The color had been taken out of the world_. It was dark-that much Raph could see. But from the entrance way, there was a light glowing softly from the old living room, from that old lamp that Donny had repaired-only its light was no longer yellow. Just... ...?

White. White, black, and a hundred different shades of gray. Mouth very dry, Raph nonetheless swallowed as he slowly turned to look at his hands, which were now trembling as he blinked several times, hoping to restore the color to his vision.

No dice. His hands were no longer green. They were an inky black. Raph paused, and then scrambled to get out of bed, now quite frightened as he ran for the old looking glass Splinter had put in the corner of his room. Still relying on the light that was emanating in from the living room, the small turtle hesitantly approached the glass, footsteps on the creaking floor eerily loud to him.

It was then he came across the mirror- And stopped dead. His once red mask was now a dark shade of gray. His large eyes-once brown-had transformed yo a light gray. But they still appeared terrified, and Raph shook his head abruptly as he withdrew, green…or gray flesh breaking into a nervous sweat.

He'd gone colorblind. Did turtles do that? It was that, or-

Doing his best not to fight back the intense waves of nausea, Raph let out an angry cry, doing his best to ignore the incessant squeaks, squeals, and yips still continuing in the living room.

"GUYS? THIS ISN'T FUNNY!"

Raph screamed, racing to one end of the room, and then, to another. He felt sick. The world wasn't changing color-it couldn't be. It couldn't happen! But what if Splinter's warnings came true about those funny chemicals in the sewers? What if Raph had touched one, then, didn't wipe his hands, and then, touched his eyes?

How long was he going to be colorblind? What was he or Master Splinter going to do about it? What if nothing could be done, and he was colorblind forever?

What if Raph went...blind?

Now hysteric, Raph made a beeline for where he knew Mikey's door to be, torn between anger, nausea, and most of all, cold, hot, fear boiling in his stomach. "MIKEY! MIKEY! I SWEAR, IF Y-YOU'VE DONE ANYTHING TO ME, I-I'll KICK YOUR LITTLE-"

Raph's voice died almost immediately as he halted-so abruptly, the turtle slipped, stumbled, and fell to the floor.

Mikey's door had disappeared.

~(*)~

_'I'm dreamin', is all.'_ Raph thought wildly as he moved trembling hands over the blank stretch of wall where the opening for Mikey's room always was._ 'I'm dreamin', dat's it, and Master Splinter will be callin' me and my bros up any minute for French toast. Everythin' will be fine, then.'_

But it didn't feel like a dream the turtle had ever experienced. Horrorstricken, Raph twisted away from the empty space, before rushing to the space where Don's room was.

Nothing. Breathing deeply, Raph twisted around for Leo's room, which was north of his own.

Still nothing. Leo's room was gone.

But when Raph spun around again, much to his great relief, the opening to the living room was still there. The light-devoid of color as his room was-was there.

The red banded tu-oh, very well, the grey-banded turtle rushed for the entrance way, frantically praying that Master Splinter had already arrived home. His brothers' rooms were gone.

Gone. What did that mean for Donny? Mikey? Leo? Or Splinter, for that matter...? Raph dashed inside the living room, only to narrowly avoid tripping over a pile of rags on the floor. Stubbing his toe, Raph let out a shout before his angry eyes fell over the wriggling bundle he so nearly squashed into the ground.

Surprise flickered across his face, and the anger faded, giving way for alarm once again.

A yapping, dark, very furry little dog walked-or glided, for all Raph knew, he couldn't see the creature's stubby little legs-over to him, still barking, still yipping his head off, little tail still wagging frantically. Raph shied away from the creature against the wall, any doubt that he was dreaming completely eradicated from his head. What else could it be?

What the heck was a dog-a dog, of things-doing here? The creature's ear flicked back and forth as it continued to yap, sounding distressed. Now Raph knew the source of the noise that had roused him from sleep just minutes ago, but Splinter would never let a dog into their lair.

So what was it doing, here? Raph stared at the growling dog for a moment or two before pressing his hands over his ears, groaning.

_'Great. A dog after Mikey's own heart. Never shuts up.'_

At last, when it came apparent that the dog was neither going to button its yap or cease to demonstrate what healthy lungs he had on him, Raph slowly uncurled from his position, feeling lost as he glanced about the black and white room. The television set, though off, was black. He supposed that didn't matter too much, as it had been black in the first place, but...

The Robin's Egg blue table was now a light, depressing shade of gray. The fridge was now a dullened shade of white; and the brick wall just a faint dark array of alabaster cement with dark bricks. Raph spun around.

The sofa was no longer a dark brown, just a dark black. The floor was no longer ce-well, it had been gray cement in the first place, but...

"Leo?" he called out, in a very small voice, praying beyond relief that his brother would hear him. His voice cracked again as he looked around. All was deathly quiet.

If his brothers were playing a trick on him, he'd punch all of them senseless. But not even MIKEY would go this far for a trick...as the orange-clad turtle's pranks were annoying at best, but usually light-hearted, with something as dumb as a bucket of rubber bugs, or that incident with the peanut butter and all those seeds...

_'What am I thinking about?'_ thought the turtle sourly, shaking his head to dispel the words before calling out once again.

"Leo, are ya there?"

No answer.

_'Breathe in, breathe out,'_ Raph reminded himself. Then-

"Mike! Donny? Sensei?"

Raph's eyes trailed back to the creature still staring at him with large, black eyes, finally, finally relinquishing its cries, and orbs boring into him imploringly as it continued to shake its tail. Remembering Splinter's warnings about strange animals-not that Mikey seemed to count, oddly enough-the turtle cringed away from the dog, only to have it slowly inch closer to him.

It looked like a Scottish terrier, like that furry little mop in Don's book-and just a bit like that annoying dog from that stupid movie Mikey had wanted to watch just this evening.

Hesitantly, Raph inched out his hand, jerked it back, and then slowly allowed it to brush the wriggling dog's back, watching the creature carefully. If the thing was going to whip its head around and bite him, Raph wanted no part in it.

The dog didn't seem to mind. It let out an odd, whimpering sound, without opening its mouth, and the turtle withdrew his hand for a moment, afraid that he might have made the creature upset. But the dog persisted in that soft, keening sound, and Raph realized, with growing apprehension, that it was whimpering-like that golden retriever did in that other movie Mikey loved, something about a dog pestered to save people too dumb to save themselves. Although Raph admired him for it, he would never admit that to Mikey... ...if he could even find his little brother.

Swallowing, Raph glanced curiously at the dog's neck. But, contrary to his expectations, there was no collar. No nametag.

"Who da ya belong to?" Raph asked, feeling a bit braver, and scratching the small creature behind the ears-an act that the small dog seemed to appreciate, as it leaned its head back to allow Raph better exposure. Smiling in spite of himself, the turtle abruptly stood up again, cautiously glancing about the living room, as the small dog sniffed interestedly at his ankles.

"Master Splinter?" he called out, turning hopefully around as pattering sounds echoed from behind him. To his disappointment, Raph realized that it was only the dog trailing after him, nails clicking on the ground.

The turtle hurried into the kitchen, glancing about himself nervously.

Everything.

Everything was still black, white, and gray. Raph fisted his hands, and rubbed at his eyes with his knuckles, but nothing changed. What was wrong with him? Was he sick? Was that why he was seeing things-or, more importantly, NOT seeing things?

Raph's eyes-umdamaged or not, he didn't know-burned with frightened tears.

Where were his brothers? Where were the doors? And where...

The dog had started yapping again. Now to the brim with frustration, Raph glowered at it.

"Geeez, ya dumb mutt, will ya put a sock in it?" he demanded, stepping away from the furry creature still haunting his footsteps

….where was Splinter? And where. ...did this...dog come from?

Was he delirious, or something?

Now feeling lightheaded, Raph decided to check Master Splinter's room before it too, disappeared, but the young turtle never go that far; the plates from the nearby cupboard had just begun to rattle.

Raph's eyes flew over to the dishware, but before he could do anything else-

"Aaack!" exclaimed Raph, hurriedly backing away from the trembling fridge, before the enormous behemoth groaned, wobbled, and smashed onto the floor with an enormous, echoing, THUD!

The entire room began to gurgle, rumble, and roar, much like Mike's stomach did around eleven. Everything shook violently around the bemused turtle, everything vibrating, plates smashing onto the floor-

Scotty-Mc-Ne'er-Close-Yap began to bark again, as Raph, unable to keep his footing, was knocked to the floor-

And the entire Lair began to shake, throb, and vibrate, humming with energy before the brick foundation let out an enormous groan, and the entire stone foundation began to slide, cutlery falling out of drawers, pots and pans falling in a garbled mess onto the ground, even as Raph slid across the floor, or ceiling, whichever, he couldn't tell the difference-

From somewhere in the distance, Raph could hear a faint screeching. Or was it a cackle?

But he paid it little heed as he buried his head in a pillow that happened to be zipping by his head, and grasped an arm around the barking dog- Something whooshed about them, as the entire place rocked, and Raph was slammed into a wall, shell first. Dazed, he rolled out of the way, just as time to avoid the cabinet heading directly for him.

The cabinet smashed into the wall, as Raph was sent flying, dog yapping louder then ever, shrill barks not quite heard over the roar of the wind that _couldn't _be there outside-they lived underground, for Pete's sake! -before the entire room tumbled to Earth with an enormous, deafening, WHAM.

And all was still amongst the rubble, save for the dog whose vocal cords a stunned Raph sorely wished could be removed.


	3. Chapter 3

Turtle Tots: Move Night!

Raph's Dream: Nightmare in Oz, Part Two, Follow Rosa Parks Avenue

極度に悩むこと! 探求のRaph!

~(*)~

Salutations, everyone! ^^ I do think I'm having a great deal of fun with this story...*Laughs maniacally.*

And, because I'm not as stressed to get these updated ASAP, writing is much more enjoyable. ^^ And, quite amusing, later on. Right now, poor Raph is frightened...*Sobs.* But it'll all get better, soon. I think you all know what to expect in this chapter...or, perhaps not. *Giggles.* Originally, Mikey was supposed to be the main character for this segment, but, at the last moment, opted for Raph. :D

Don't tell him this, but I am quite glad I did. ^^

Please, take care, everyone.

_Quote: _

_Scarecrow: 'I haven't got a brain... only straw.' _

_Dorothy: 'How can you talk if you haven't got a brain?' _

_Scarecrow: 'I don't know... But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking... don't they?' _

_Dorothy: 'Yes, I guess you're right.' _

_~(*)~ _...

* * *

...

...

...?

Raph shifted underneath the rubble, still groaning as an unknown entity continued to bark and yip frantically about him, breaking the sound barrier as it did so. Mentally employing one of those words that he'd heard on television-the one that Splinter had, most unfortunately heard, and had threatened to wash his mouth out with soap if Raph ever engaged it again-the turtle squirmed slightly underneath the sea of dusty, fallen plaster, blinking blearily as he attempted to see his way through the dazzling spts flashing in and out of his sight, still blocking his vision to little more then a muddled blur of black and white.

Groaning, Raph at last stood up, a hand flying to his aching, light head as the Scottish terrier beside him continued to shrilly bark. Pangs of sheer irritation and fear ripped at the turtle's insides as he recalled his dream...

...which, by now, could NOT be a dream at all. Dazed, the red clad turtle turned to the small dog still making a scene beside him. That stupid mutt had been in his dreams, too! Which meant...

The poor turtle staggered up, wincing slightly as he narrowly avoided stepping on a pile of spoons lying on the floor, around a splintered cabinet, over an upset chair...

He needed a way out of here. And, once he found a way out into the sewers, he...

...he needed to find his family. That was the most important place to start. Once he found his father and brothers, everything would be just fine. Forget about the Lair's destruction-though Raph felt deeply mournful as he soberly stared around the ruined foundation of their destroyed home, still trying to clear all of the powder from his eyes.

He was alone. Well, save for a dog who needed a muzzle, he was. Raph swayed slightly as he attempted to direct his way to the concealed entrance of their home, footsteps weak and tottering, Total Yapper still barking at his heels.

He was alone. And...quite frightened. He wanted Splinter. He wanted his brothers. Right now.

At last, Raph made his way to the entrance, avoiding stepping on the several shards of broken glass, and miscellanous fallen bricks and timber, coughing as he did so. Yuck. Did an Earthquake so deep that it struck the very heart of NYC's sewers shake up? If this was what it was gonna be like in the sewers, Raph faintly wondered what topside would look like. Maybe like that old black and white movie of the 1930s Earthquake that had hit San Francisco. He hoped no one-especially not his family-had been hurt.

Muttering a brief "Shut it," to the dog, Raph swung the entrance door open, and totteringly made his way outside.

'Outside,' Raph soon found, was a key word.

* * *

Glaring, golden sunlight poured into his eyes, and Raph scowled as he threw his fists into his orbs, removing the last of the dust as a thought struck him.

_'Golden? I can see dat it's...'_

With a gasp, Raph's hands fell to his sides, and the turtle's eyes widened as they beheld the Easter-fake-grass coloring of the ground below him. A sickly green. Not gray. Green.

Trembling, as Total Loudmouth continued to bark from behind him, Raph raised two trembling hands in front of him, breath catching in his lungs.

Green. Tugging at his mask, he saw that it was red. Red, as it always was, as it always should be. Turning around so quickly, almost crikking his neck, a brown shell greeted the immensely relieved turtle, so much so, that Raph plunked down on the sickly-green grass to clear his lightheadedness, still staring at his darkly emerald green palms.

Well, he was alive. That was a tic mark for Raph. Plus, nothin' looked black or white or nothin'. In fact, all this grass looked...

_'Wait a shell minute...**Grass**?'_

Blinking, now quite bewildered, Raph frantically felt about him, grasping the stalks of the soft blades about him, heart hammering.

He was sitting on grass. The turtle had never done that before. The turtle had hardly even seen grass in real life, save for when the real whoppers of storms came by NYC, and the sewers were overflowing with mud and clumps of dirt. But, even then...Raph had never been completely..._surrounded_ by the stuff. He'd only seen the like in books and on TV!

Bewildered, Raph twisted about to look at the remains of his house, mind going blank, mouth very dry.

"W-what the...shell?" the turtle whispered, swallowing as his heart began to pound in his throat.

* * *

There was his home, alright, dilapidated ruin and everything. But the sewers had never lead to...outside. Well, Raph knew very well that water canals had to eventually come out SOMEWHERE, but Splinter never allowed the turtles into the main water junctions, for fear that the current would sweep the four out of the sewers-out into...

...where, even Splinter did not know. There were also manholes, too...but those were general "no-no's" in Splinter's book.

Shaking, Raph stood up, his jaw dropping, as even Total Yapper fell silent.

It was as if his home-his and his family's home-had been torn out of an actual house. There were leaking pipes and sputtering wires everywhere, fallen bricks that looked charred, the entire wreck looking ready at any second to cave in...

Raph's mind began to race, and the turtle bit down the urge to fly into a panic.

This wasn't...what USUALLY happened during Earthquakes, was it? Unless their home had SUNK deep, deep into the Earth, so far that they'd popped out the other side of the Earth into China?

Was Raph in China? The turtle began to pace the sad remains of the structure that had once indeed resembled a structure, and not a heap of random objects thrown together for young artists to place their easels in front of, and sketch, before he stopped dead, a shrill gasp escaping him in spite of himself as the black and fuzzy Ne'er Close Mouth began to bark again at Raph's heels.

The turtle inched backwards, feeling sickened enough to absolute hysteria.

"HOLY COW! THE LAIR LANDED ON SOMEONE!"

~(*)~

A pair of black and white socks were protruding from underneath the house, wearing a pair of gawdy red slippers. Raph fought down the churning in his stomach, and resisted the urge to hurl as he staggered back, now completely numb.

_'Okay. Okay. I...I-I didn't MEAN to h-hit anyone. I couldn't control nothin' about it! Are they still alive? No, of c-course not, dingus-who survives after bein' squashed by five metric tons of c-concrete...?_

_But where does this sound f-famili...?'_

A gasp resounded out from behind him, and Raph spun around once again, only for his face to be overtaken by sheer horror.

If this was China, then the turtle wanted no part of it.

At all.

* * *

It looked like the Sugar Plum Fairy and the Easter Bunny had had tea.

And the result wasn't pretty. What looked like Mikey's coloring book-though, to the villagers' credit, THEY at least kept da color in the lines-was spread across him, pink and orange buttercups sprayed about the Easter Basket-grass that Splinter hated so much, especially when one had to spend time vacumning it all up for hours on end.

But that wasn't the worst part. There was a series of buildings to the East, and none were very nice.

Or...perhaps the problem was that they were TOO nice. Raph swayed again, and this time, the poor, red-clad turtle finally bent over, and lost his lunch upon the grass, as Total Headache barked from behind him.

Great. Now he had an upset stomach, the urge to wash his eyes from the unspeakable sight before him...AND a migraine!

The streets of the cobblestone were all mismatched in bright pastels, and cheerful rainbows were scribbled upon certain doors, with shiny red doorknobs in the shape of hearts. The whole place reeked of gingerbread, peppermint, licorice, and certain aspects of the ground sparkled, which made the nauseated and horrified turtle think of gumdrops...

He stepped forwards, praying that he'd wake up any minute now. This was too much. This was just too much.

There was a bright rainbow in the heavens, dazzingly glittering about the shiny stretch of yellow brick road pattering about the scope of the entire village, which, with its constant drips of yellow, blue, white, purple, green, and red, reminded him of an upchucking rainbow.

There were swirls and spiraling towers, with small bunny rabbits enscribed on some of the window panes, and fluff-ghastly, white, cotton-candy fluff, everywhere-taking the place of shrubbery, though Raph did notice more sickly green fake-bushes about, full to burst with candy corn, even as enormous lollipops protruded from the ground, in place of stopsigns.

It was Candy Land. A nightmarish version of Candy Land.

This was too much for the turtle, and he turned his head to the brilliantly blue sky, just in time for his eyes to widen in blatant disbelief.

An enormous pink bubble was heading straight for him, dangerously rocking this way and that. Raph backed up a few paces, turning his eyes to the Scottish Terrier now hiding behind him once again.

"Hey, mutt," Raph said weakly, as the ludricrously pink bubble continued to float towards him.

"I ain't thinkin' we're...we're in New York, anymore."

* * *

How? This was JUST like that stupid movie Mikey had made him watch-the one that he'd fallen asleep watching several times! But how could this be happening?

_'Okay. This stupid, girly chick is probably that fairy-witch that goes around givin' people money for teeth,'_ Raph thought, as the bubble swayed violently in midair once again, still making a beeline for the frightened turtle. _'I think I 'member that much, but...'_

Raph's train of thoughts was broken quite abruptly as the pink bubble crash landed directly into the ground, spiraling in and out of control. With a great deal of "Ows!" and "Oomphs!" And, once or twice, what sounded suspiciously like the words Splinter had told his sons not to utter-the pink bubble exploded, revealing a breathless woman lying on the ground, her pink folds-the glittering effect so much like a melting iced cake-dirty, ripped, once white stockings now covered in grime, and with several grass stains.

She turned her head, noticed the turtle staring at her, and attempted to flash a dazzling smile at Raph, but the effect was somewhat hampered, seeing as the woman appeared to have lost a tooth or two while landing.

Her crown and petticoats were askew, and terribly rumpled. Raph just stared at her, mouth still open, as the woman uneasily sat up, and briskly removed the pilot's mask she had been wearing.

"One of my better landings..." she murmured, patting herself affectionately as she felt herself for any broken bones. Apparently, she felt none, and she soon stood, smoothing out the folds of her crumpled pink dress with great dignity as she smiled at Raph once again.

Total Headcase chose to continue hiding behind Raph, as the woman made to speak again, and then cleared her throat.

"Mmmm...not...really what I'm looking for..." she murmured, clearing her throat once again.

Apparently, that had been a clear mistake, as the woman began to hack, bending over slightly as she gagged into her hands, Raph feeling quite ill by the spectacle.

Once the Pink Witch had decided she was done sounding like a drowning cat, she smiled once again, and spoke, her tune sweet and airy.

"Why..."

She quickly glanced down at a pad of paper she held in her opposite fist.

"Hamato Raphael, I am so delighted to see that you have seen fit to join us, and to help us in the slaying of the Wicked Witch of the Yeast!"

Raphael started, looking troubled.

"Hey! Howdaya know my name?" the turtle asked suspiciously, glaring at the pink witch as she flipped a page, obviously going to read whatever content was next. His shoulders squared at being ignored.

"And I...didn't MEAN TA squash anybody! Anyhoos, what's YOUR story, lady? Who are ya? And..."

Raph glanced uneasily about the small people in bizarre costumes beginning to tentaively venture from outside of their homes, to the brightly light town square.

"...where am I?"

The Pink Fairy-Witch chose to ignore him, as she threw one hand into the air, still reading her card.

"It pleases us to welcome you, Insert Your Client's Name Here! Ah..." she fumbled with her notepad, reached for a pencil behind her ear, licked it, and scribbled a name.

"Sorry, sugar. Just give me a minute, okay?"

Raph glowered at her while she raised her arm once again.

"Welcome to Oz, Raphael! You have slain the Wicked Witch of the Yeast by allowing your mobile home to crash on her head! As you may very well know, choosing to hurl your house in question upon someone's head may result in fatal consequences-"

"I never meant to hurt nobody!" cried out Raph, obviously dismayed as Total Yopper began to yip again, casting a fearful glance at the black and white socks slithering underneath the Lair's foundation...

The witch went on.

"We will exhalt you for your actions, Oh Hamato Raphael, as you and or your family and or life partner are free to apply for citizenship within the next twenty-four hours, and then go to a series of infomercials that promise to legislate you a lovely condominimum in New-"

Raph stamped his foot, expression a mixed caricature of red and green from sheer anger.

"JUST DROP IT ALREADY AND TELL ME HOW I CAN GET HOME?"

The Witch sighed, and threw her notebook to the ground, rolling her eyes.

"And they tell me I'm poor with customer service," she muttered, as the little people-some of them smaller then the seven year old turtle-began to cheer amongst themselves. Disregarding them, the fairy turned her eyes to Raph, looking bored.

"Okay, kid. You want it straight? Fine. You're in Oz now, kid, please go to the Tourist Bureau if you have any questions-"

Now ready to lose it, the red-clad turtle ran forwards, small fists clenched.

"I'M ASKING YOU! I don't CARE about this stupid place!" Raph cried, as the small folks began to merrily skip about a large maypole he had noticed in their square.

"I JUST...I just wanna get back! To New York! I need to find my family!"

The Fairy Witch smiled.

"Raphael, some folks might call you a hero for helping to crush the Wicked Witch of the Yeast-I mean, c'mon, the lady just put WAY too much of the stuff in her bread-"

The Fairy Witch's nose wrinkled.

"-before she gave it to everyone for Christmas! Ecch. But my point is, many people will call you a hero for defeating the witch. I mean, c'mon, I tried to do her in with several magic spells, but I never thought that perhaps throwing 15 tons of metal and scrap heap on her just might help..."

Raph was still angrily staring at her, chest heaving. The Fairy Witch sighed.

"Look. The Witch is dead. Gone. Caput. Now, you've freed the Munchkins-"

Raph's hopes flared slightly at the word.

"Munchkins? You guys have donuts, here?"

The Pink Witch shook her head.

"Nah. But there is a lovely village nearby specializing in Danishes. My point is, the Munchkins are FREE from the unspeakable torment of overly-risen bread, and I'm sure that they'll want to repay you-"

"Please don't tell me they'll sing," said Raph pleadingly, as the notes of 'Ding, Dong, the Witch is Dead' began to echo from the village. Raph cast a desperate glance at the woman as the Munchkins hailed Raphael .

"I've been savin' up the coins I found in the sewas-I'll _pay _them not to sing-"

The Witch shrugged, and then turned back to the villagers, expression cold.

"Can it," she growled, threateningly brandishing her own silver wand, which looked not unlike the ones one saw at a little girl's birthday party.

The hymns of joy and praise died almost immediately. The witch stared at them coldly before turning to look at Raphael, her expression charming once again.

"Well, if you'd rather not have them bolster you on your way, I advise you simply head on to the Emerald City to see the Wizard."

Raphael blanched inwardly. Oh, how he wished he had watched that stupid movie all the way to the end, now! The movie was CALLED 'The Wizard of Oz' because the movie was ABOUT the Wizard, or at least GETTING to the guy!

From what little Raph could remember, this shrill little girl and her even shriller little dog had gone skipping with Mr. Potato Head, A Robot, and An Escaped Carnivore, on a yellow brick road. Did Dorothy happen to run into a traveling circus or something? And what did the Wizard have to do with any of it?

Suddenly, hope blossomed in Raph's heart.

"So...you're sayin' that this Wizard guy..."

He swallowed.

"...you're sayin' he can send me home?"

The Witch nodded, and opened her mouth-just as lightning struck the darkening skies above them, and a wicked cackle resonated throughout the staticy air.

* * *

Was it going to rain, or something? The air had looked so clear just a moment ago! From what Raph could see, Munchkins were noting the severe drop in temperature, and, looking panicked, began to bustle back into their doors, frightened cries echoing from them as they did so.

Raph just stared at them as darkness began to overtake the Earth, then jumped back, yelping in shock as lightning struck the ground just a few inches before him.

The Fairy Witch did not look at all perturbed as, in a flash of sizzling, emerald sparks, a dark apparition began to slowly drag itself out of the shadows, with nothing but the whites of her eyes visible as the green-skinned, black clad figure began to drag itself towards Raph, a small, wicked smile curving her features.

* * *

This time, Raph really did scream, but the Pink Witch stepped in front of him to face the Green-skinned, hideous witch, still smiling, even as the witch leered at her.

The witch had stringy black hair, but, contrary to Raph's expectations, no hat. Instead, the woman was wearing a set of dirty, woebegone pink curlers, and, instead of a witch's black dress, was wearing, what appeared to be a black shower robe, and a pair of carpet slippers.

Raph swallowed, as the gog shrilly began to yop again, and the two witches continued to stare at one another.

Silence. Then, the green-skinned newcomer's (And not Raphael, mind you) eyelid flickered a bit. The Fairy Witch noticed immediately.

"A-HA! You blinked first!"

"I did nothing of the sort, you little rat! Besides, it appears a certain someone forgot to put in the o' false teeth again, eh?"

"YOU PROMISED NEVER TO TELL ANYONE ABOUT THAT! Besides, at least I don't consecutively DYE my hair over and over again!"

"At least I don't need a touch-up perm every month!"

Raph cleared his throat, expression skeptical as both witches turned around to face him. Feeling slightly nervous, though he'd never show it-Raph decided to look bored, and sent the Newcoming witch a puzzled look.

"Didn't she-" He gestured to the Fairy-like Witch. "Tell me that the house landed on y-"

He turned around to point, but, much to his shock, the pair of legs protruding out from underneath his old home had vanished. Incredulous, Raph whipped around to face the witch, wide-eyed.

"G-Geez, you m-musta used a m-magic spell or somethin'. B-But I'm sorry about s-squishing you. Really."

The dark witch raised an eyebrow, as the fairy witch cleared her throat.

"Awkward," she said lightly, before turning to face Raph.

"Um...dearest, your house still demolished the Wicked Witch of the Yeast. This is her SISTER, the Wicked Witch of the Fr-"

"Alright, alright," said the opposite witch harshly, waving her hand about, as Raph gasped.

"Y-Ya mean that...I...m-my house...l-landed on...your SIS?"

His eyes widened in terror.

"Oh, g-g-gosh, I'm so..."

The green-skinned witch waved her hand, looking bored.

"No worries, sonny boy, no worries. In fact, I should probably be giving you a medal right about now. I never liked Hilda's bread, much."

These two were terrible people. Raph just stared at the Wicked Witch, feeling more then slightly revolted by this point. But the Wicked Witch had not finished speaking:

"I just came for Hilda's old slippers. I wanted them, but nooooo, she had to go in during a CLEARANCE sale, and stop me from buyin' them first, the old cheapskate! And then, in her will, she left me nothing but her friggin' croquet set! What fun is croquet, especially when you're not even allowed to misuse the mallets, and-"

Suddenly, the witch stopped dead. Her eyes bulged out, and then narrowed to tiny, poisonous slits.

"You," she whispered, taking a step forwards, much to the seven year old's fright.

"Give those back."

Terrified, the red clad turtle stared at her, not at all certain of what she meant. That's when the pink clad witch murmured a gentle, "Look down, dear."

He did so. Oh, how he wished he hadn't.

A pair of gaudy red shoes were on his feet, how, he did not know, especially when the turtle had only two toes, and a foot musch wider then that of the normal human's...

Raphael's eyes widened in horror, especially upon beholding the shoes had ribbons on them. Ribbons. And the rest of it...

...they were all made out of rubies. Who the bloody David was going to walk around in shoes made out of RUBIES, for Pete's sake? And, to top the horror, they had small heels. Heels.

Raph began to try to kick them off, but, to his shock, the shoes would not desist from their hold, as the Fairy Witch smiled at him, looking pleased.

"Aren't they cute? You should be glad that you were the closest to the Witch when the old girl died. The spell on those shoes transfigured them to you! And they match your bandanna perfectly!"

Raph threw himself onto the ground, just barely avoiding squashing the yipping dog, and began to brutally pry at the shoes. But no dice.

The Wicked Witch scowled. "I want those."

Raph scrambled to his feet, and whipped his head around, expression livid.

"_You can HAVE 'em_!" the distressed turtle shouted, desperately hoping about the ruins of his home on one foot, six fingers all frantically clawing at the glittery red heels.

"JUST GET 'EM OFF!"

"Oh, I'll get 'em off," the witch murmured grimly, rolling up her sleeves and stepping forwards, but the Fairy Witch blocked her way.

"Nu-uh-uh. My territory, my rules, remember? You've got no power _here_, girlfriend."

The witch rolled her eyes, looking enraged.

"Oh, a pink cupcake fashionista who looks like a 1930's bloody FILM star is standing in my way. For some reason, this ruins everything!"

But the witch disappeared in a haze of emerald smoke, as Raph screamed out,

"**COME BACK!** COME BACK! GET THESE SISSY THINGS OFFA ME!"

* * *

The Fairy Witch shook her head as the sun began to pour out onto the grounds again, and the Munchkins-who, quite regrettably, were not delicious donut holes-began to anxiously peek out of their doors once more. But her eyes were on Raph, who was now attempting-with no success whatsoever-to gnaw the shoes off of his feet.

"I'd hold onto those, if I were you," she commented, looking interestedly at Raoh as he rolled over, still fighting tooth and nail to remove the ugly slippers. "The Wicked Witch will be after you, you know, and she can't do much harm to you without harming those, too."

"How does that make sense? AND WHY CAN'T I JUS' GIVE 'EM TA HER?"

The Witch seemed to find his words let engaging then her own.

"Considering those shoes went out of season after Labor Day, they're pretty hard to get, 'specially on EBay. Besides those shoes may just do you a favor or two down the road..."

Still on the ground, Raph glared at her suspiciously.

"Yeah? Like what?"

The Pink Witch shrugged.

"Other then straightening your posture, well...I'd want to hold onto a pair of magic shoes, wouldn't you?"

Flabbergasted, Raph stared at the ruby shoes, wondering faintly if he could get his hands on a hacksaw, and, even more importantly, slice these shoes OFF of him without cutting off his feet. He kind of liked those.

Splinter was excellent with a blade-once the Wizard waved his wand, did some sort of hocus-pocus, and sent him home to his family, with his house in-tact, his father could do it.

Feeling an aching longing for his sensei, Raph miserably glanced down at the girly shoes once again, and glanced at the Fairy Witch, as the Scottish Terrier climbed into his lap, obviously in the mood to have his ears scratched.

"So...how do I go to this Wizard, guy? Just..."

Raph had to search his memories for a bit, as he remembered an extremely irritating song he had heard from this movie.

_'Follow the Yella Brick Road...Follow da Yella Brick Road...'_

"...follow down the Yella Brick Road?"

The Pink Witch looked affronted.

"_Tell children to walk down a ROAD_?" she demanded, stamping her own sparkling heel, clutching her silver wand so tightly by this point that her knuckles were steadily turning a starkly alabaster.

Raph nervously inched away from the Witch, who was still glowering at him, looking affronted.

"_What _do you think I am, some heartless shrew who sends tots to play in traffic? What kind of _idiot_ do you take me for?"

Swallowing, the red-clad turtle in annoyingly suave, glowing heels noted a few forked veins throbbing in the Good Witch's neck, and one pulsating on her forehead. Honestly, the woman could stand to have a lower blood pressure at this point...but the last thing he needed to do was to comment on this woman's cholesterol.

The turtle was only fervently thankful the woman didn't do children's parties, as the annoyed witch began to speak again, and gestured to a smaller, golden brick road from behind her.

"Take THAT one to Emerald City. Use the sidewalk like everyone else, kid. Beats being pavement pizza."

How did Dorothy ultimately get back to Kansas? Didn't she...the pink witch...give her a spell, or somethin'?

Hit with a spark of hope, Raph closed his eyes, and began to click the irritating heels back and forth. Back and forth.

"There...there is..."

Eyes still closed, Raph concentrated, brow furrowing as he continued to concentrate. What was that mantra, again?

"There is...no cereal...like Honeycombe."

Nope. That didn't sound right. Raph tried again.

"There is...no better statue...then a...a garden gnome."

The Pink Witch rolled her eyes, and glanced at her watch.

"Whatever. Instead of just allowing you to transfigure yourself back to a safe home and a loving family surrounded by your bedside, I'm going to just put you through a series of obstacles and life threatening perils until you meet Mr. Cheapskate, and let all of your hopes be dashed before I come in at the last minute to tell you that you hardly need to run away to grasp your heart's desire."

Shot with indignantion, Raph opened his eyes.

"Whaddaya mean, 'Cheapskate?' And I DIDN'T RUN AWAY!"

The Witch yawned, and then carelessly jabbed a thumb backwards at Rosa Park Avenue. It HAD been the Golden Brick Walkway, but the city council chose to rename it in 1982.

"Mmm-hmm. Exactly. Just get walking, hon-it's good for you. Just beware the Witch and yadda, yadda, yadda, life story, life story, etc."

Raph stared at her with wide eyes as the Fairy turned away.

"Better get started, kid. I have two other side jobs then this, you know. Like reading out song telegrams to lucky individuals."

She cleared her throat, and began to sing.

_"Roses are red,_

_Violets are blue,_

_Sugar is sweet,_

_And so are you._

_But the roses have wilted._

_The violets are dead._

_The sugar bowl's empty..._

_...just like your head."_

Raph attempted to ask another question, but the fairy interrupted, still musing to herself.

"Mr. Smith will be VERY delighted to hear that one from Lucille...anyways, please, do be a dear about it and hurry it up. I have a performance of _Wicked_ to be at in a few minutes."

"Wait! What do ya mean, 'hopes be dashed?' What's the witch gonna want? I-"

"Ta!"

And, the fairy disappeared, in a scattering of blinding pink sparks, leaving a bewildered Raphael alone once again, with a yipping dog.


End file.
